Calm Poppy

2009-04-23T05:51:00.000-07:00

Weekend Shwar Shwar...

17 April

This is the first weekend where I have not planned anything. And it feels a bit weird for someone like me who has mastered the Art of Doing Nothing (after bumming for over a year). So what was keeping me busy for these past weekend since I've been here? After doing a bit of the touristy stuff (sight seeing, Desert Safari, beachineering...), meeting people (since I do not know anyone here, except for a high school batchmate of mine) bulk of my weekends are mostly devoted to buying stuff. Not that I have a lot to spend (since a am still settling in these new place)... Perhaps I deem it necessary to do so for the following reasons.
• I need smart casual to formal clothes for work - yeah unfortunately, I need to do this
• I need "things" since I just got here - home stuff I guess...
• A Sale is ang oppurtunity to get things cheaper, whether these things are necessary or not is another discussion

And as a Pleasant Surprise, this brings me back to my Pre-Bum Days in Manila on how "choice" confuses me.
i.e. I want to wear a white top, with a lot to choose from the closet I can't pick anything so I become confused. So why not buy a new one instead?

Confused by Overchoice?

I am Confused
Therefore, let's go shopping.

Back to my being a Bum, when my purchasing power has shrunk terribly at one point... Some of my thoughts then...

I miss shopping
Therefore...
I Need a Job?

Or...

Remain a bum, and accept your state of poverty...

In today's consumerist society - The more you consume, the less you live.
For one is less appreciative of the sensual pleasure of manual creation. The simple things, the sweet nothing (extreme humanism, is that you?)
Perhaps one consumes because one does not have time for such things??

The Buying Experience may imposes a sense of Emptiness...
"They" are Buying Our Happiness!
Therefore, we need to Steal It Back!

Who needs to Acquire More?

Kaya nga rin ba isang taon akong Bum (or I was just making excuses, haha!)
Hindi rin ako komunista
Ewan.

2007-05-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

Oh Well, It's Just a Cycle of Crappiness

Tuesday Morning.. I woke up this morning and was hearing the repeating sound of the rain. Yes, it was a good morning considering the shitty feeling I have. I ran last night... as in literally ran so I can be too tired to feel the way I feel. But now since it is a good morning, I am more energized and worried that I am going to feel shitty again.

I am not in a crisis... I am not having a bad time at work... I am not broken hearted... I am not depressed... I am just feeling like this... shitty... It's like having a bad day times 10 million times! I still feel like this even after a 5-day getaway.... I think I have to CREATE A PROBLEM... Historically under-dosed… information overload… uneventfulness… That’s why I have to CREATE A PROBLEM…

Historically under-dosed… information overload… uneventfulness… That’s why I have to CREATE A PROBLEM… Designer emotions… Post-Modern Realism… Sweet Nothings… Making something out of nothing… Too much watching of Wong Kar Wai Films… I love him because he cannot love me... his inability to love makes it more alluring. The more I know he does not love me the more I love him because it is darkly interesting… yan, create a problem at panindigan na problema yan, pilitin to stop being shitty.

Work is the answer to neediness (that was today and yesterday it was different) Sometimes the thing that makes you feel like crap can be a solution (reel or real) to some shitty feeling. Parang ganito yan eh… masakit ang ulo mo, uminom ka ng meds para sa sakit ng ulo mo na ang side-effect ay pagtatae. So… It’s just a cycle of crappiness and kamalasan.

2007-01-11T01:44:00.000-08:00

20 Random Thoughts...
Posted by Laida on Jan 10, '07 12:28 AM for everyone
It’s been a long time since I posted anything, the usual excuse… no time. This makes me wonder, I always have time (or make time) for this, he, he… I have not organized my thoughts yet so list na lang.

1/ I am not ashamed of being idle, doing nothing… why do some people pretend they’re busy? Perhaps to have an impression that something is happening in their lives but what’s wrong if there is nothing happening? I don’t think it’s boring… nothingness and uneventfullness is the new freedom.

2/ I realized that Madel is not a rare name. I know four people of the same name… three of them I just met this year.

3/ That Starbucks 2007 Planner was one of my must-haves last December. Well the paper and the layout are prettier though bulky. But I also liked the 2006 Planner because it comes with nice essays and freebie coupons.

4/ Three days in my new job, and I am now a yuppie again. Yeah, I am now preoccupied with my to-buy list… This includes, nice-fitting flat pumps (just both one with heels), Lonely Planet Guidebook: Philippines, Southeast Asia on a Shoestring (also a Lonely Planet Guidebook)… waaaah!!! Waaah! Why don’t I just earn like a yuppie and spend like a bum. (Ah… because I’m not a bum!)

5/ Why is it that people who are paid nice should also dress nice? Ang taas ng maintenance!

6/ Okay! Now I appreciate salesladies. Yeah, I thought they were just bitching when they immediately return the clothes to its rack after looking at them. (I used to find it suplada)… Try doing the physical inventory! Robinson’s Dept Store music is nice… mga bossanova and tugtog the whole day ang saya… even heard boss versions of Bob Marley and Sublime songs…

7/ I thought I was in a dirty job then I find myself doing a “dirtier” task; but who cares the pay is higher!

8/ Kahit anong pagawa, even physical inventory wag lag QA Job!

9/ FRIDAY – I was expecting that this day is full of deluge –physical inventory, government bureaucracy, fixers and opportunists in DFA, and all… I had time to drop by my favorite library in Manila and enjoy the sunset by the Bay.

10/ Warning to people who are renewing theirs passports: BEWARE OF FIXERS!! They are so persistent, all the forms, etc are available inside the DFA… Take Note: INSIDE! Sobrang kulit nila talaga, buti na lang di ako naisahan ng mga gagong iyon. Dyan talaga magaling ang mga Pilipino!

11/ Sa totoo lang nakakatawa na talaga pag mangyari sa akin ang pang-gagagong iyon. Sa ILOCOS we were practically ripped off in all of our public transports we road through Laoag, Vigan, and Pagudpud!!! Wala munang Part 2.

12/ Continuing Number 11, all I can say is that I am really disappointed with the locals we encountered in the public transport (both driver and passengers) in our Ilocos Trip.

13/ Situation: From Laoag Airport, we rode the jeepney to the Provincial Capitol. I asked a middle-aged man (who was caring for a disabled passenger) on how much the fare was and he responded “ask the driver.” I asked another passenger, also a local and this time an old lady and responded the same freakin’ way “ask the driver.” We had no choice but to ask the driver (it was already assumed that he will overcharge us so we were refraining from asking him the fare kaya nga we asked the locals)… so he charged us TRIPLE THE PRICE!!! Ang kupal nila talaga!!!
Note: Similar incidences happened in the public transport throughout or trip.

14/ Okay I’m talking just 20 bucks (per head) overcharging but I never thought that locals could be that mean. (And besides I know some dear people who came from the same place who we’re actually kind) They all knew we were going to be overpriced but they all united for us to be ripped off. That was a very mean thing to do even if it was just a jeepney ride. I can only count four incidences where we were charged correctly (only because of a local acquaintance, who was not pure-bred as he lived in Manila, helped us).

15/ I could be bitchy, but I don’t think I will do that to other people if I really knew how much the fare is.

16/ Another lesson: If somebody tells you “Pilipino naman tayo kaya tama lang ang presyo namin sa inyo” WAG KAYONG MANINIWALA!!! Siguradong gagaguhin ka nun!

17/ Not being an _____o is a gift from God!

18/ Well, really mean locals will not define our trip… You are not a wanderer if you don’t use public transport.”

19/ Let’s go back to a day called Friday… This is the New Friday for me… day at work ends very early… Time is the Ultimate Luxury.
20/ Lists… More travel and interesting people to meet along the way… Ah… resolutions… puede rin… Wag na lang, ang hirap gumawa ng listahan…

2006-11-28T03:19:00.000-08:00

My Favorite Things...

These are my favorite things these days...
Buy them at the World Trade Center Bazaar, Roxas Blvd Pasay City
Bazaar is from December 7 to December 17
See you there!

Check out the link below for more pics
http://morbiedolls.multiply.com/photos/album/53

Mananang-Doll, my favorite doll

Badminton Dollies

Vampies

Prisoner Dollies

Screaming Morbiedoll

Cute Brooches!

Brooches!!

2006-11-15T18:34:00.002-08:00

Vacation... Coffee... Sun... White Sand... And All...

Palaboy sa Tabing-Dagat…
I headed to the beaches of Boracay after surviving the long hikes, storm, and the landslides in Batad. I planned to go steady in the beach before going to Iloilo to visit a friend whom I had plans with to go to Guimaras.

I’ve always loved going to Sagada (and now Batad), as these are places where I can really escape... I especially love doing nothing in these places… And this trip to Boracay is a new experience for me as this is my first time to go to the beach alone (and I feel that I am more of a mountain person than a beach person). Oh well, I can just stay in the beach doing nothing… (given that I also have a very limited budget…)

I arrived when there were still people who spent their All Saint’s Day in the island. These were the same people I could see here in Manila. And the irony was I initially felt isolated in the island even when there were a lot of familiar people, there was no such feeling I had during when I went to Sagada. I guess, that is the paradox with familiarity… there is always isolation…

Beach Bumming…
I shared the white beach with a very few people when the tourists left.

A typical day for me is to wake up just before the sun is up… see the sunrise then a little stroll in the beach then sip a cup of coffee from Café del Sol… swim a bit… nap on the beach… perhaps read something… then walk in the white beach… then swim… nap on the white beach again… ahhh… then eat when hungry… drink when thirsty… nap some more (on the beach again)… and coffee at sunset… hung out in the cottage…. perhaps dinner as well…Ang sarap maging batugan! (Lazy, doing nothing...)

The only time for me was....

sunrise... or

Sunset...

This Is The Life… blissfully unaware of what day it is… my only orientation of time is just sunrise and sunset… I’ve never been this relaxed in a very long time. No tranquilizer can ever give me this serenity. Why do I have to take those pills anyway when it can be just like this - I’m thinking I need not to go somewhere to be calm though going some place can make it easier to escape . I guess the beach has become to one of my favorite places and I even extended my stay, perching my trip Guimaras some other time. I was missing the point! I never needed to go to Guimaras to see my friend and I just wanted to see her, wherever… period!

Walk around.... then

Read a book... then take a nap...

Drink..... when thirsty...

Lounging in the cottage....

One of the things that I learned from being a palaboy and kaladkarin from Northern Luzon to Visayas these past few weeks is to embrace solitude. It is bliss… a great delight… And when you travel alone, everything seems to be a new situation… seeing the importance of things… seeing beauty in things…I was accessible to other people… I guess I was just happy to be alive and I look forward to things.

I have come across a lot of people when I was in the island. I had coffee with the French people from Batad (we had the same inn in Batad and I happen to see them in the island)… I went island-hopping with an American couple and a German… talked to some locals from an eatery owner, policeman, security personnel, bartenders, resort owners… met a physician and some long-staying foreigners in the island… and so on… These are just disposable friendships, but these are as valuable as my “true” friends as I learned other ways to see things in the very short time that I’ve known them.

a local... Beth, Jorven and Gerry....

Physician, named Nace (left) Tony and Flo (right) Mr. Shooli, bar tender (above)

I ended my last day by a Swedana treatment at Mandala Spa… what a treat…

Oh well, after six days I had to leave for Iloilo to see my friend… as I was in the bus I started missing being in the island (Nini, my friend told me that it was the so-called “fever”) but upon seeing my friend, Kenneth… anong fever, fever?! I truly miss spending time with her; I had the same good time I had in the island just by talking to her.

We drove around the city and it was such a treat seeing the old houses and some churches. The Cathedral of Candelaria in Jaro is one of the oldest churches… then the “bingka” – yummy!!!

Being with Kenneth was a perfect closure to life in the island… one of the things I realized is to also embrace the concept of constant departure… Hay…

Ruins, in Iloilo City

Then back in Manila, I went to SEX (Sinangag Express) with my friends here in Manila… what a way to wrap this whole trip!!!!

2006-11-14T03:31:00.000-08:00

A Trip to Batad Rice Terraces, Banaue
from Oct 28 to Oct 31 2006

I went to Banaue alone. I played it by ear and I was able to tag along with 7 other people. Adeline and Kevin, a Vietnamese and German (?) couple, Bridgitte and Jeznene, mother and daughter, and O (yeah, just the letter "O"), Via, and Noel, officemates/friends. We all got together since we want to split the private jeepney fare from Banaue to Batad saddle.

The six of us (except the couple) stayed together in Simon's Inn and we went around Banaue together. From Banaue, it takes about 1 1/2 hours via private jeepney to get to Batad saddle. According to some guidebooks and even to people who have been there, it takes about an hour's hike to get to the lodging area from Batad saddle. But at our pace plus the taking of photographs, it took us 2 hours to get there. We were just excited, we took pics of the mini teraaces along the way plus the landscape knowing that we will see tons of them when we get to Batad proper.

Though I have seen it in the postcards, have heard some worms causes them to deteriorate (like the terraces in Happao)... it is breathtaking to see the rice terraces of Batad. Hay...

We went on to see the Tappiya Waterfalls. We started a bit late and we had to hike back until early in the evening (without flashlight plus some occasional rainfall). The 4-hour hike was very challenging for most of us but it was all worth it.

After the long hike... I was thinking... How am I going to hike up back the saddle with the muscle pains i was experiencing then...

The five people whom I have tagged along with were planning to go to Sagada (it's acutally one of my favorite places) the next day (Oct 30)...obvious ba, nakaladkad na naman ang palaboy na tulad ko.

The storm, Paeng hit Northen Luzon and this means that we have to perch going to Sagada. Well, as for me no Sagada at all as I am scheduled to leave on Oct 31.

We spent the whole day (Oct 30) in Simon's Inn during the storm. Some of us enjoyed massages while I enjoyed doing nothing. Like I am just experiencing Time.

We were told that there were three landslides along the road from Batad saddle to Banaue this meant walking the 12 kms of rough from Batad saddle to Banaue (instead of taking the jeepney)... oh oh... parang daan patungong kalimugtong. Luckily we found some vehicles trapped between landslides that took us to the other landslide. We still have to walk and cross the landslides on foot.

Upon reaching Banaue proper, friends/officemate, O, Via and Noel went to Sagada, Bridgitte and her daughter, Jenzene decided to go to Baguio, while I will head back to Manila.

Bridgitte, Jenzene and I stayed in People's cafe to await our bus.

Upon arrival in Manila, around 3 am, I stayed in Starbucks in People Support building met a friend who works in the same building then headed home at sunrise. Such a pleasant closure to my trip...

2006-10-21T09:27:00.001-07:00

Somewhere… Nowhere…

I’m not lost, I’m just in some place I don’t know. There is no such thing as nowhere, it is always somewhere. Nowhere is just a place you don’t know yet and it is still some place...

I don’t understand why I can’t get myself to wake up for work! And whenever I do so… the first thought that comes to my mind… “olats na naman ang araw na ‘to!” This is a start of another bad day… haay… Buti na lang work is composed of a lot of tasks that distract me from the thought of an "olats" (bad) day. Am I just too unhappy and unmotivated at work and to make it more pathetic... I’m just too lazy to work… too exhausted of getting myself out of this unhappy state.

What about QUITTING? Quitting is the best thing that could happen to me… It’s not about giving

up, it’s CHOICE.

Am I too lazy to live life or is it some choice???
Why would I be in the rat race when I can just chill? And besides, I’m just too lazy to move at all. In the movie, “Trainspotting” where the character of Ewan McGregor was saying that we DON’T NEED to CHOOSE LIFE, we can choose something else (well, in his case, he chose to be a heroin junkie, but the point is you get to CHOOSE).

Life is not about aspiring for things that everyone wants--like success, family-life, house, etc. The truth is, we were just made to want all of these, these things could be unsatisfying at times (or most of the time)... these things could put you in a state of comfortable slavery...

There is always an ALTERNATIVE to all of these... or choose to be fuckin' lazy!!! Isn't it just too exhausting to want more in life??? Do we really need meaning in life??? Looking for the "meaningful life" could be a futile exercise. Perhaps I'm just too shallow.... this a a philosophy of a shallow person.... like me...

I remembered a portion in the film, “Waking Life” (Society is a Fraud) where a group of men were talking to a certain Mr. Debord

“Why so glum, Mr. Debord?”

“What was missing was felt irretrievable. The extreme uncertainties of subsisting without working made excesses necessary and breaks definitive. To quote Stevenson: "Suicide carried off many. Drink and the devil took care of the rest"”

Hmmmnnn…. It talks about the Situationist Theory, which I really don’t have any idea what it is also about… “Subsisting without working” is the only thing I retained.

Subsisting without working is the best thing that could happen to me… but I was hoping to add some perks on top of the “subsisting” thing…like being able to go somewhere…

I looked up Situationist Theory, I have not fully understood the whole thing but here are situationist stuff that I could really relate to…

"I take my desires for reality because I believe in the reality of my desires" - Anonymous graffiti, Paris 1968

"Down with a world in which the guarantee that we will not die of starvation has been purchased with the guarantee that we will die of boredom." - Anonymous graffiti, Paris 1968

"Be realistic - demand the impossible!" - Soyez réalistes, demandez l'impossible! - Anonymous graffiti, Paris 1968

"Live without dead time" - Vivez sans temps mort - Anonymous graffiti, Paris 1968

"Beneath the paving stones - the beach!" - Sous les pavés, la plage! - Anonymous graffiti, Paris

1968

"Never work" - Ne travaillez jamais" - Anonymous graffiti, Paris 1968

2006-09-13T03:23:00.000-07:00

What was I doing last September 11, 2001?

As the world watched in horror, I was making out with somebody that I was not supposed to make out with under the bright blue sky. It was right after sunrise in the observatory. Energy was gorging into my veins after a very long day and emotionally charged night under the stars.
I was wearing an old white tank top that’s almost grey and tailored khaki pants with my big “ANGST” printed bag where a T-square could fit inside ready for the long day but certainly not ready for that night. All I remember was that I was burned out but still in control but wasn’t about to give up on things that were stressing me out. And I had all the “mojos” in the world. I’ve been preventing that event from happening for years because I think it’s wrong but it was such a WOW feeling when it eventually happened. Like the wonderful song by Robin Beck that was used in a Coca Cola TV commercial…
Yeah, it was a WOW feeling… it was not the undefeated feeling of failing the “marshmallow test” or of giving in to a temptation. It resembles that subdued feeling of the characters in “In the Mood for Love” it then reveals itself. Like there were fireworks in my soul. It was such a high that it took me a while to realize that my body is tired and the sun is starting to feel so hot.
I went home past 9 am, totally oblivious why everybody was tuned in CNN to get some sleep ‘cause there is a 2 pm talk in school that I had to attend. Then I wondered why there was an opening prayer and that was the only time I realized what actually happened.
__

In hindsight, it really was a wow feeling. It was more than people doing things to settle unresolved issues. No “what ifs” to be addressed… it was an inevitable event and what a wonderful thing it was.

__

2006-09-08T04:33:00.000-07:00

Ramblings and Boohooos!!!!

Being away from my mobile phone is liberating (after the initial reaction –golly geez! Naiwan ko ang fone ko, paano yan)… It prevents me from reading messages from annoying people… being asked stupid questions about work… forwarded text messages that are way cheesy (okay, jokes are a bit tolerable)… and of course, chain text messages. It’s not like being completely out of touch, if it’s a life and death situation there are ways to reach me. So, only the substantial stuff gets through right now.

Our network just f$cked up when I was about to do system-related task… ha! ha! that’s why I get to write a draft of this blog.

How come people can’t say no… or say they just can’t do it?! Hay naku! Nakakainis esp when results are needed! Mahirap ba talagang tumanggi sa isang friend, eh kaibigan mo naman ‘yun! Kaya nga that’s what friends are for…so you can be honest… Hay, when a friend asks you for something, ang una mong iisipin if it’s answerable by YES or NO! Dapat mong isipin na di naman ito isang pabor, tanong lang naman ‘yun diba. Alam ng nagtatanong na puedeng YES or NO ang sagot! God! Why does it have to be a loooong shot to get that answer from a friend? Oh well, friend ko pa rin siya. May mga pagkakataon na ang isang tao lang hindi marunong sumagot ng yes or no!

How can you tell a person that she sucks at what she does?! I’m not perfect but I was not expecting those stupid answers from a normal person! (and stupid questions pa…) [I think stupid answers and stupid questions compete neck to neck to determine which one is worse than the other, (and perhaps I also suck to even ponder upon it).] Maybe those stupid answers do not mean that she actually sucks? She altogether sucks and no one can explain it!

2006-08-30T02:06:00.000-07:00

The Colorful Utopia of Cheerful Nonsense
… and other random stuff

Knowing clichés are clichés doesn’t help you escape them.
Sweet Nothings –sweetness rivaled by their nothingness
“Borrowed Solemnity”
Hitting Rock-Bottom as a required event.
Assured Destruction
Eventlessness
Bottomlessness
Then, a Happy Problem
Kitchen-Sink Dramatics
A Healthy Doze of Vulgarity and Pride
Anti-Death
Neutrality is nonexistent – just temporarily unknown
Unneutralized erotic rage
Trembled Certainty
Stupidly Happy… which one, Stupid or Happy?
“non-attachment-to-the-fruits-of-one’s-action”
Minor Life
A System of Mediocre Habit
“florid total mediocrity”
Mediocrity Sucks?
Just so because life sucks because we wish it didn’t…
Therefore…
Embrace Mediocrity
The Mystic of Mediocrity
The irony of Mediocrity –one is misunderstood worse than a genius.
Morally-engaged Slackers??
Self-Approval is Mortifying.
Fuse to Blurrr!!!!
The Seed of Potential Happiness and Sheer Madness….

2006-08-11T06:18:00.000-07:00

BLANK PAGE...

I rambled upon the so-called "death of my creativity" the term is melodramatic but it really sucked so much hence the little term. I thought WORK is killing my creative spirit when the bottom line is --it's just my own doing.

[OT: Work is the most-blamed for some sort of unhappiness in one's life. When in reality (for most people) these are just tasks, a means to earn something --money, some achievements, the means that may able you to do other stuff that may lead to happiness or total disaster. It's just work, WORK is not the 'cause of unhappiness and not a means to be happy either (people are just lucky when it leads them to happiness).]

I just don’t like being confronted by a BLANK PAGE. It sucks! It really sucks when I never had to deal with it before or whenever I’m faced with a similar situation, I never had to deal with it for long. I even remembered helping some people deal with the same stuff. I remembered sketching as much as I can without thinking… It starts with things that are not that nice-looking until I like all that I see.

Now, critiques outnumber sketches… sketches are not even completed and that’s the END of it. It’s usually about EXECUTION! I used to care about it afterwards until I come up with ways to do it…It not nice to suck but things suck because we wish it didn’t. Then, I rambled upon my job (which deals with production)… as something that’s killing my imagination. My job is about getting things done, seeing what’s wrong, anticipating limitations of designs… It’s technical and it’s all about what is achievable, in short realistic. (It's something that does not involve creative work at all.) REALITY KILLS CREATIVITY!!!

Oh, I think my little dilemma is a HAPPY PROBLEM. Instead of going for the notion that REALITY KILLS CREATIVITY, maybe I’ll go for CREATIVITY COULD EXPAND REALITY. Yeah right, most people have already thought about it and it took me a long time to see it. I simply don’t want to suck whenever I see a BLANK PAGE.