Oh Well, It's Just a Cycle of Crappiness

Tuesday Morning.. I woke up this morning and was hearing the repeating sound of the rain. Yes, it was a good morning considering the shitty feeling I have. I ran last night... as in literally ran so I can be too tired to feel the way I feel. But now since it is a good morning, I am more energized and worried that I am going to feel shitty again.

I am not in a crisis... I am not having a bad time at work... I am not broken hearted... I am not depressed... I am just feeling like this... shitty... It's like having a bad day times 10 million times! I still feel like this even after a 5-day getaway.... I think I have to CREATE A PROBLEM... Historically under-dosed… information overload… uneventfulness… That’s why I have to CREATE A PROBLEM…

Historically under-dosed… information overload… uneventfulness… That’s why I have to CREATE A PROBLEM… Designer emotions… Post-Modern Realism… Sweet Nothings… Making something out of nothing… Too much watching of Wong Kar Wai Films… I love him because he cannot love me... his inability to love makes it more alluring. The more I know he does not love me the more I love him because it is darkly interesting… yan, create a problem at panindigan na problema yan, pilitin to stop being shitty.

Work is the answer to neediness (that was today and yesterday it was different) Sometimes the thing that makes you feel like crap can be a solution (reel or real) to some shitty feeling. Parang ganito yan eh… masakit ang ulo mo, uminom ka ng meds para sa sakit ng ulo mo na ang side-effect ay pagtatae. So… It’s just a cycle of crappiness and kamalasan.